Loneliness is The New Stressed
“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you”
With Covid, our fears have become bigger while our world is shrinking. Our lives have slowed but the stress didn’t go away, it just went underground. In our current world, isolation now implies a sense of health and safety. We are faced with the impossible task of having to stay apart and remain connected.
Loneliness is a difficult feeling to share. There is shame attached to it. For some people, just to admit it, allows self-judgment and flashbacks of past hurt. Yet, Covid has normalized isolation and loneliness. If there is ever a time we can easily admit to feeling lonely, it is now. The more we share this, the faster loneliness can be put in its rightful place- a universal feeling.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is more of a state of mind than a state of being. Someone can be surrounded by people and still feel alone (remember freshmen year?- hand raised). It causes people to perceive the world as threatening. They crave connection to others but feel empty, alone, and unwanted. It is the Bermuda triangle of mental health.
How do you know if it’s a problem?
For some people, it is a life event that might trigger feelings of loneliness (break up, job change, retirement, death of a loved one, moving, etc.). People who live in certain circumstances might be more vulnerable to loneliness (family estrangement, single parent, financial stress, health problems, sexual orientation, or past trauma).
So, which is it, events, circumstances, or state of mind? The answer is in the gap between what social opportunities you want to have, and what you do have. It is the gap that causes the difficult thoughts/feelings/actions.
What about a loneliness test? Dr. Daniel Russel created the UCLA loneliness scale. It was created in 1978 and has been revised many times. It is still recognized as the most commonly used scale for loneliness. You can take the test here.
Why does it even matter?
Loneliness directly affects both your physical and mental health. It has been found to influence alcoholism, heart problems, stroke, decreased memory and learning, depression, increased stress, sleep problems even cancer and early mortality.
What can we do about it?
Let's look at Loneliness in a different way. Like every other feeling you experience, loneliness is really a signal. It is valuable information about how you are experiencing the world. Like thirst or hunger, it is your body/mind signaling that something is needed. It becomes important not to ignore that need, but to instead, find ways to meet it.
The obvious suggestion is to find ways to increase your sense of connection to others. One way to start is to take the 5-day social wellbeing Challenge by Rachel Kable. You can find it here. It is a free guided plan for how to interact more mindfully in a social way.
But it is also important to keep in mind that in addition to a connection with others, your connection with yourself is vital to the process. Tuning into the negative self-talk and defeating beliefs can play a part in healing. It can change how you view the world, from threatening to inviting. Self-compassion and Self-care are the foundation to improving your relationship with yourself. This involves both internal and external healthy habits. That might mean gratitude, positive affirmations, exercise, healthy eating, sleep regimen… all different ways to meet your wellbeing needs to offset the feelings of loneliness.
Overcoming loneliness can be a tough task. If you need help or would like support on your journey toward improved self-care and self-compassion, a therapist can guide you. Having a safe place to share the full range of feelings you are experiencing can be very healing. If you need this type of support or have any questions please reach out by filling out the form below.
