The Story Of The Two Wolves: Learning How To better Manage Your Daily Mindset
WHICH WOLF WINS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON?
“I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear”
The use of metaphor can be very helpful in therapy. It seems to cut through all the extra mental processing to get a concept easily across. The metaphor that has been most helpful in my own life is the “Tale of two wolves”. I have carried it with me through both the big and small struggles. You may or may not have heard the Tale but, nothing brings on those types of challenges quite like the holiday season, so I thought I would share it.
The Story of Two Wolves
The story of two wolves is an ancient tale. It is said to be part of the native american tradition for generations. The story features a grandfather and grandson. The grandfather is trying to impart wisdom about the inner sense of conflict that all people struggle with. The story goes something like this…
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me” he said to him. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is bad-he is anger, envy, sorry, regret, resentment, false pride and ego.
He continued, “The other is good- he is joy, peace, love, hope, kindness, empathy, compassion and faith. The same fight is going on inside of you- and inside of every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, “which wolf will win?”.
The old cherokee simply replied, “the one you feed”
You can see it in video Below…
“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love”
How is this story useful?
My favorite thing about the tale is that it means different things to different people; completely open to interpretation. In my view, the story is about mindset and intentionality. It is a reminder that we have more control than we realize around what we think, feel and do.
Life is constantly sending us circumstances that cause stress and struggle. We can become discouraged by all the things missing from our life, or wrapped up in how things “should” be compared to how they actually are. This is especially true during the holiday season.
“By becoming self-aware, you gain ownership of reality; in becoming real, you become the master of both inner and outer life” - Deepak Chopra
In many ways it is the negative that holds our attention. We can so easily be overcome with fear and judgment. While it is a lot harder to surrender to love and compassion, it is always available to us. It is important to be aware of all that life throws at us, so that we can make an intentional decision of what we want to focus on or “feed”. This gives us a sense of power over our emotions and experiences, no matter what they are. As with every concept in therapy, this is simple but far from easy.
Meet your “bad wolf”
At any moment we have a choice in how we think, feel or behave. It doesn’t always feel that way when we are caught up in the moment, but it is always true. Acknowledging this freedom of choice is empowering and helps reframe our circumstances. We can ask ourselves, “which wolf do I want to feed?” That “bad wolf” is your inner critic. It is the part of you that is hungry for anger, greed, resentment and self pity. It is a representation of your depression, anxiety and negative beliefs. It can often grow in environments of comparison and self judgment.
We all feed our “bad wolf” and that’s ok, it's part of life. Healing and growth comes from shedding light on the conscious choice to do this and HOW it is done. If we are mindlessly feeding our “bad wolf” he gets all of our attention, overshadowing the “good wolf”.
“Only you can take inner freedom away from yourself, or give it to yourself. Nobody else can.” - Michael A. Singer
Wolf Taming 101
“Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad. ”
Feeding the bad wolf means that you are aware of the negative emotions that you experience but you don’t have to attach to them or give them attention. The amount of time/energy you spend feeding this wolf is completely within your control. The ways in which you feed this “bad wolf” is unique to you. It can be scrolling social media, self isolation, self judgment, judgment of others, addictive behaviors, to name just a few.
The “good wolf” is also within your control to feed. You can make the choice to nourish the wolf of joy, peace, love, hope and compassion. This “good wolf” grows with the attention you give it. What are the ways you feed your “good wolf”? For some this is volunteerism, time with family, hobbies/interests that energize, religion/spirituality, time in nature, community engagment, to name just a few.
As the story of two wolves says, a battle between the “good wolf” and “bad wolf” is within all of us. Healing and growth comes from increasing awareness around the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that feed each one. This battle is ongoing and can be difficult at times. Having a safe place to self reflect can be helpful. A therapist will listen without judgment, allowing you the opportunity to take an honest look at what is calling for your attention. If you are looking for this type of support, or have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out by using the form below.
